When you find your spark
For a while nothing moved me. Nothing felt exciting. Every day carried a sense of heaviness that I was not able to get rid of. In short —
I had lost my spark.
Back in January I mentioned struggling with feeling stagnant in my life. Well, I am happy to report back with better news three months later (and almost half a year in total):
I have found my spark again.
Here is what changed
Reminders of what brings joy
I actively reminded myself of the things that used to bring me joy and then forced myself to do each and every activity. The thing is: if I had waited for motivation to find me, I believe I would still be in that dark mental space.
So I drew, I wrote, I crafted — and frankly, I sucked at it. But distraction was needed. I picked up small projects so the commitment wouldn’t feel too big, yet big enough to feel accomplished afterwards.
Over time, without me noticing, I found my way back to creating for fun. Enjoyment slowly entered the quiet hours of creativity.
My spark was not gone.
There was hope.
Slowing down
From breathing, to responding to messages, to eating food — I slowed down. Notifications were turned off (I sadly have to report that my phone addiction still remains). I started walking home instead of taking the bus, for example.
Being present continues to be a skill I want to practice, because the present cannot be rushed. On top of that, I continued working on activities that would occupy my hands so my phone stayed out of reach.
Crafts like crocheting and making pearl necklaces motivated my creative brain and my eagerness to learn enough to keep going for hours on end.
And you know what I missed when I picked up my phone again afterwards?
Nothing out of the ordinary :)
Create before you consume
That 25th hour in the day you are looking for? Yeah, you’ll find that when you put your phone away for a day and suddenly realise how much free time you had all along.
I switched to consuming social media on my laptop (ew) instead of my phone whenever possible. Yes, eventually you get used to that too, but the habit of frantically picking up my phone for no reason became less frequent.
If you looked at my social media feed, you’d quickly notice that it is highly curated to make me feel inspired to create. I follow artists who present their crafts proudly in various stages of skill, but always with incredibly positive energy.
Ideas that I saved were actually turned into real-life projects, and YouTube tutorials became practice instead of remaining theoretical half-knowledge.
Eventually, I fell into a rabbit hole of continuous sparks of curiosity that led to even more curiosity.
Photo: I crocheted this vest myself (Don’t ask me how. I only learned how to make a heart Granny square and painfully free-styled the rest with loads of trial and error.)
Don’t wait
I stopped waiting for motivation to come and finally accepted that the current phase of life I was in felt uncomfortable.
Every social outing that felt mentally exhausting to think about turned out to fill up my cup. Scenarios I made up in my head — real life turned out to be much gentler than my worst thoughts.
I learned how to enjoy my own company again.
I bought the ticket to a crafty event at the cinema because I was currently working on a crocheted vest. I booked a flight because I no longer wanted to wait for someone to tell me, “Yes, I’m in.”
I am in — so I will go.
What I am writing does not stem from feeling petty or superior, but from a place of owing it to myself to show up for myself.
Self-care also meant taking a hard look at myself, my habits, and my thought patterns.
Don’t wait for a sign from the universe to be the catalyst for change. Change what you can with what you have — even the smallest steps will eventually move you forward.
Where I am now
I picked up heels classes again and am moving my body voluntarily.
I try to remind myself that my body requires water — not only when I feel at the brink of dying from thirst.
I rest and actively mark rest days in my calendar (Ed, if you are reading this — thank you for your gentle reminders).
I meet up with friends. I continue to dream big and surround myself with people who support me, even when they don’t fully understand.
I scan my limiting beliefs and reframe my mindset whenever I become aware of them.
And sometimes, I still have hard days or weeks — and that’s okay.
If you are finding yourself in a phase of life where you feel like you’ve outgrown your old space, I hope this metamorphosis is gentle on you. I hope you have the courage to ask for and accept help.
I hope you’ll find your spark again too.
Lead your dreams,
Soso
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