Reality checks in my 20s
And suddenly you’re an adult
I thought I had more time.
At one point you are hit with the realisation that you are now an adult and are accepted as such in general society. And if it hasn’t hit you yet, it will — once you suddenly have to pay the full package, full price, full range, full access — for anything and everything. In short:
Being an adult is incredibly expensive.
Suddenly you also understand that maybe for the first time in life, you have adult money that you have earned all by yourself! To spend or not to spend? Taxes — how? Insurance, do I need that? If yes, which ones? Why are groceries so expensive? Is a driver’s license still worth it? But the cost of a car! Wait, travel! But broke. Ugh. Money — where? My friend is getting married, I am still trying to figure out what I want to study, Becky moved to Australia, oh, and D. got divorced.
I have come to find out that we were all tossed into this game called life, each of us being handed a different tutorial sheet. Your twenties suddenly feel like a second puberty, and don’t even get me started on how awkward it is to make new friends. If things aren’t blissful, your twenties will feel like you’ve grown another limb or two and are forced to learn how to walk again.
We need to stop blaming our parents for everything
The influence our primary caregivers had on our childhood and perhaps our oldest patterns in our day-to-day lives is not to be underestimated. Yet we need to stop blaming our parents for actions we take as adults and therefore delegating ownership and responsibility.
That cigarette you are smoking today may not be a result of your mother leaving you unattended in the supermarket for two minutes at the checkout when you were eight. It could, however, stem from boredom, an unregulated nervous system, or peer pressure. Then again, what do I know? I don’t smoke.
Perhaps what we needed most was to be given the right tools to sit with occasional discomfort and to be taught healthy emotional regulation. How our parents raised us can give us clues about inherited beliefs. However, maybe the most comforting thought is that we do not have to be like our parents.
Become an expert at being a beginner
Through observation and my own experience, I have come to find the beginner mindset fascinating: eager to soak up any knowledge there is, curious and open to being corrected, and also expecting to fail loads since beginners understand that they are still beginners.
If we translated this to other areas in our lives, the beginner mindset could lift a ton of pressure. Trying out new things can feel more exciting. I am the first one to admit that I struggle with a short attention span. So if I am not an expert or show an ounce of god-given talent on the first try of a new potential hobby, the first feeling is often not excitement but frustration.
My twenties have especially felt like a playground thus far, and I have tried, failed, and completed many side quests. I expect to continue exploring what else is to be discovered.
I thought I had more time
The first time I realised that time was running out was when a loved one confessed they no longer wanted to live. I thought I had more time.
I was so focused on hustling, trying to make ends meet and then some, building an empire, running away from my past, moving that trip I wanted to take to when I would eventually retire.
I thought I had more time.
I forgot what it meant to be present. I thought they knew how much I loved them. And I thought that love was enough.
A switch had flipped overnight, and I have not been the same person since. Grudges I held suddenly seemed irrelevant, every dream — tiny or outright delusional — turned into a “yes, how can I support you?”, every moment spent together turned into a moment I tried to freeze and frame with my mind’s eye.
The realisation that our life is finite is what makes the moments we have precious. I still go through ups and downs, but if possible — I opt to fail forward. Let those you love know today that you love them, truly and deeply. Life is so tangible; let’s add as much good as we can, as long as we can.
To those entering, leaving, or beyond their twenties: I would love to read about your reality checks and big aha moments. I hope you enjoyed today’s post. Thank you for staying.
Lead your dreams,
Soso
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