My museum of Failures
I used to live by the motto “fail forward” for a year and still have fond memories about the courage to chase failure and rejection.
Why, you may ask? Because my museum of failures showed me that after each failure, a new door opened up - spawned and unlocked, waiting to be chosen. In many cases I also understood that embracing failure and the awkwardness of trying again was like a muscle that needed to be trained.
And most of the time: It was not that serious.
At some point doing the hard things became bearable (they remained to be hard to do).
Here’s a list of things I failed at, what those experiences taught me, and how they may be affecting me now
The Booknook - my book club
I started a book club shortly after writing on my blog back in Spring 2025 with the hope of creating a community of readers. The first month went great, having 10-15 people wanting to join and I was ecstatic! Month two was when schedules and life happened and suddenly I found myself postponing the meet-up (online) because the attendance would have been too low. By Month 3, when we could have picked the third book, the pressure was on for those who had yet to finish the second one and now the task of reading had become a chore rather than a joy.
I closed the club afterwards.
What this failure taught me was that my dream does not equal somebody else’s and that’s okay! I showed up and encouraged people to join or continue reading even if they would not have finished the book by time we would have met up, but I took each rejection personal because the club meant so much to me.
If I was to try again, I would definitely loosen up about the attendance at book club meetings. I would have people sign up for each month so they could always choose to join for one month only, sit out some months, and feel less pressure about having to read a book each month.
Got rejected by a book blogger website
Bummer! I tried signing up at a book blogger website where you can request copies of books in exchange for honest reviews and was -
REJECTED.
I did not meet their criteria (which is absolutely valid, since their criteria was also listed on their page).
Then again I remembered that I only took writing about books more seriously after I quit all other side quests like hosting and tutoring some months ago and then it all made sense! I have to build my community from the ground up, because I was shifting my content, doing a 180. I need to give people time to adapt to how I am changing too :) Currently, the engagement on my other social media platforms is on the lower end, but things are starting to look up! Since you can only reapply after 6 months, I have definitely not given up on that goal yet and hope to be joining the book blogger team this year.
University Drop-out
I studied to become a teacher for both German and English but ultimately decided to drop out - I simply could not afford to study with the financial responsibilities I was tied to. For one year, I pushed to become a great teacher for future generations. Afterwards I gave myself another year before I quit, all while balancing being a student with 4 jobs.
Looking back now, I know that my heart did not burn for what I was studying. I was interested enough to pursue it, I love languages and I love learning about new things, but most likely I was not interested enough to last long in the teaching business. Im also still an introvert at my core and though I have learned from hosting on the mic, how to navigate large crowds well - I get tired and overstimulated at the end of the day. I believe I would have burned out quickly.
Ah yes, YouTube
Listen, I have went through many phases in my life, from being an MC to being an illustrator painting murals in hotels - but this phase I am still aching for. I used to make YouTube videos, well I made 5 (mostly about my “SOSORREAL” artist era). Anyhow, I still love editing and shooting footage, I just don’t quite know how I could fit that all into my schedule.
Would I like to pick it up again? Absolutely. There is no timeline for that to happen yet.
Had a blackout at a showcase in front of hundreds of people
Back when I was still hosting, I had a gig at a dance battle where my co-host and I where preparing for a secret showcase. We had done one the year before and wanted to top our last performance. What started out as a fun way to express our creativity, quickly turned into a big project. We bit off more than we could chew - and nobody even asked us to do that.
Fast forward to the performance: I don’t usually sing in front of crowds. Now add that to the fact of suddenly singing in front of hundreds of people in between a rap performance - which I also don’t usually do (I love language and rhymes, but I am no rapper). The light technician had missed his cue so our performance started off in complete darkness for the first 30 seconds and to put it simply: I did not recover from that.
So I rapped and sang and it all got mixed up, I had the biggest voice crack of my life and cried for hours after I was done with the gig (I remained professional until then. I don’t know how I did it.) That experience was jarring. Not only did I disappoint myself after working for weeks on end, practicing and going through rehearsals, but the crowd also witnessed a vulnerable moment.
Turns out: Yes, it was awkward and funny. However for the most part, the crowd was hyped, because the performance was a complete surprise! The small hiccup was only that - a hiccup. I still cringe looking at the footage, but I can now laugh about it too. Life goes on, even when you cringe.
Each of the mentioned failures where opportunities for me to shift my mindset, learn about boundaries, and gave me courage to try again - even when again has not happened yet. In hindsight, it is always easier to say “I should have” but I would not have known if I hadn’t failed.
Though failure can be painful and embarrassing, I have come to embrace the journey. It keeps me humble, yet also allows me to stay curious and courageous. Failure is not the issue, but how you choose to continue afterwards is what will shape your experience to be one you have learned from or one you will feel bitter about.
I know better now because I have tried and will continue to do so!
In this case:
Fail forward & Lead your dreams,
Soso