Postponing happiness
Something I believe many of us struggle with is the ability to truly be happy. While many may wish for happiness to be the ultimate life wish, we gently push our happy moments away to savor those later.
Phrases such as “too good to be true” hint at the distrust we have in moments where everything flows easily. The sun is shining just for you, you drive through streets without coming across any red lights, found ten bucks in your pockets - life is good…too good. Impending doom seems to be lurking somewhere around the corner and you’d rather be ready and expect it than have it attack you in a moment of surprise - all that for you to be able to say “I knew it”.
Traveling? Yes, once I have saved up enough money/once I am retired.
Starting a new hobby? Yes, once I have more time.
Reinventing yourself? Yes, once I have moved to another city where nobody knows me and I can start from zero.
Passion project? Yes, once the kids have moved out.
Does any of that remotely ring a bell for you? If yes, CONGRATULATIONS!
Your happiness has been postponed.
I am not saying that any of the above mentioned things would have been a guarantee to bring said happiness, yet the potential for those things to make you feel joy was removed before it had the chance to grow into something beautiful. A seed that was never planted will never be able to show you what a beautiful flower it could have become.
The last time I traveled for leisure was back in summer 2025. I was elated to be seeing the ocean in Croatia, relax at the pool and spend time with friends. It was THE WORST vacation I have ever experienced and left me feeling heartbroken for months. After many years of hustling and falling from one burnout into the next, I never quite learned how to rest without feeling guilty. When happiness was in close distance, close enough for me to grab, I still had a mental to-do list to get through first.
I thought I didn’t deserve to be happy if I hadn’t worked hard enough.
But who puts a price tag on that? How do you determine if you have suffered enough for you to deserve the bare minimum - room to breathe? Does the suffering of others, less or more, determine if you think their joy is deserved or unfair? Have you ever caught yourself thinking that somebody else has been handed everything on a silver platter, fed with a silver spoon? CONGRATULATIONS!
You have trapped yourself in misery.
It leaves a bitter taste to believe that someone else’s light dims your own. We can only tell the truth from how we ourselves perceive it. Truth therefore is often subjective. How much do we truly know if your friend who has “suddenly” found success hadn’t been working on that passion project day and night? Are you basing it off of what you see presented online? Are you frustrated, because your friend had the courage to try?
When it comes to passion projects we often wait for the moment of feeling ready, but we rarely acknowledge that being ready is not bound to a moment in time, it’s an active decision we run away from making. If things aren’t perfect on the first try, we immediately label ourselves as a failure of the century, everyone must be disappointed. Happiness seems miles away.
Being happy takes courage. The courage to fail, the courage to try, the courage to be curious, the courage to be present, the courage to sometimes decenter ourselves - are you willing to be happy at all?
Then again, what does happiness mean to you? If it is bound to money, how much would you need to be happy? If it is bound to material goods, what would you need to be happy? If it is bound to other people being happy for you to feel the same, I am afraid you are burdening yourself with rocks to carry.
Let’s turn this around:
Where can you start to get one step closer to meeting happiness? A look inward never hurts, look at your patterns, limiting believes (I will never make it, who am I to believe that I could do this, nobody loves me, etc.) and ask yourself: what small changes can I make?
Start with a gratitude journal
Oh no, not another one suggesting to journal. If you believe it won’t work, nobody is forcing you to do it. However, if you are curious to try, there are many formats and ways to do so. Whether you list 3 things you are grateful for, your highlights of the week, or write a full journey entry of a memorable moment that made your day a bit better - is totally up to you. There is no wrong or right approach for this.
Reach out to loved ones
Healthy relationships contribute to an overall satisfaction with life. Don’t assume that those you love know that they are loved - show up! A text, a call (yes, a call), a handwritten note, spending time together, be a good villager for the village you want to be a part of.
There are so many more ways to find small joys in the mundane and I am certain that you have loads of ideas that could contribute to make this blog post longer and richer! :)
Thank you for staying with me until the end of today’s piece of writing! I would love to read about your thoughts in the comments below and hope that a sprinkle of happiness finds its way to you today.
Have the courage to seek joy - lead your dreams,
Soso