My relationship with money
On how I am unlearning bad money habits, limiting beliefs and rebuilding a healthier relationship with money in my late twenties.
Let me unpack
I grew up believing that money is scarce and needed to be saved. However, beyond that, I was never taught what to do with the lumpsum of money I had saved.
For as long as I can remember, there had always been debts to pay off - and for a year or two, I really wasn’t sure if my family and I would be able to stay in an apartment where rent had long been overdue.
In short: My family struggled financially.
How did this affect my relationship with money?
Money was never a tool I considered using for myself or to my advantage. At 15, I got my first summer job and an incredible amount of 1.100 Euros! I was only allowed to keep 100.
What happened to the other 1.000 you may ask? I wish I could tell you.
Because the topic of money had always brought up tension and a bitter taste, I rarely spent any time talking about it except for moments of despair or complaint. I fell into the mindset of:
“Hustling is everything!”
It didn’t matter how much I had earned - it never seemed to be enough. I was always living paycheck to paycheck , barely making ends meet.
What changed?
Tackling mindset
Switching to higher paid jobs and moving away from home helped, but with that I also had to tackle how I viewed money.
I began tracking my spending, writing down how much I earned, what my fixed cost were and how I wanted to allocate money to different categories: health, miscellaneous, fun, eating out, etc.
Suddenly each Euro had its own job to fulfill.
Boundaries
Just as cabin crews tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others, I had to learn to protect my own financial boundaries. I did not realize that I had accidentally trained people to rely on me financially, without a second thought.
In trying to do good, I had taken the possibility for accountability away their opportunity to be accountable.
Awareness
I believe that once you are aware of your own patterns, it’s in your hands to want to continue living with them or changing them. (I never said that it would be easy.) I started actively talking about money with family and friends and stopped treating it as a taboo topic.
This opened the door to learn about conscious spending, the importance of investing, in yourself and your future - and that books could teach you a ton too.
My relationship with money now
I would be lying if I said that money doesn’t play a role in my overall happiness.
Having a job that provides financial security has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I am at a point in my life where I am able to dream, because I am not busy looking out for my survival (Being an adult is incredibly expensive.)
I am mindful of how I spend my money, but I don’t restrict myself harshly. I work with budgets and save/invest with every paycheck. I talk openly about my struggles and learn from both my community and strangers. I’m no longer afraid to ask for help when I feel lost - and I am okay with spending money on knowledge (I have a tax advisor now!)
There are many financial goals I am still working towards.
1.000 Euros may not be a lot to some - but to me, it can make all the difference.
I am staying curious and open-minded when it comes to money - and honestly, sometimes a little delusion helps too ;)
Stay curious & BE BOLD,
Soso